


Yggdrasil's Blessing

by ANGSWIN



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Post-Canon HP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANGSWIN/pseuds/ANGSWIN
Summary: Groot receives the blessing of Yggdrasil...in the form of Hermione Granger.(Crack fic!)
Relationships: Groot/Hermione Granger
Comments: 23
Kudos: 76
Collections: Hermione's Haven Bingo 2020, Marvelously Magical Bingo 2019, Tropes & Fandoms 2020





	Yggdrasil's Blessing

**Author's Note:**

> Written to serve triple duty for the  
>  **2019 Marvelously Magical Bingo:**  
>  Square: I2 - Prompt: Accidental Marriage  
>  **2020 Hermione’s Haven Bingo**  
>  Square: O4 – Prompt: Accidental Marriage:  
>  **2020 Tropes & Fandom Challenge:**  
> Roll Date: 4/11/20  
> Square: 59/Ladder  
> Trope: Accidental Marriage
> 
>  **Warning:** This story is pure and utter crack. :D

It is a little known fact that the Flora Collosus line (aka the Groot) were the last direct descendants of The Tree of Life left in the universe. (No, despite the fact that Groot is a Marvel character and is thereby owned by Disney, this humble author is not referring to the attraction located in the Walt Disney World Animal Kingdom theme park. Really…how could you think that? Tsk!) In fact, the aforementioned Tree was well known throughout the Nine Realms – especially by the Asgardians - who referred to it by the name of _Yggdrasil._ That connection was the main reason why one young Prince of Asgard, in the hopes of an easy pass…and the company of even easier members of the opposite sex…had the opportunity to take the Language of Groot as an elective during his formal schooling years.

The prince was ultimately disappointed in his choice, however, because the Language of the Flora Collosus people was extremely difficult to learn. That was especially true because just one word could mean so many different things. Therefore, one had to pay attention to not only meaning, but to emphasis, nuance, and tone, as well. He was further disheartened by the fact that…for some reason…all of the girls, easy or otherwise, had elected to study the language of Jotunheim with his brother, Loki, instead. Consequently, Thor had little reason to suspect that his obscure lessons would one day come in very handy when he suddenly found himself traveling through space with not only a talking rabbit, but a representative of the Groot people, as well!

Consequently, when Groot unselfishly sacrificed part of himself to provide the handle for Stormbreaker on Nidavellir, Thor found it fitting to bestow the blessing of Yggdrasil upon the young arboreal male in recognition of the act. The omnipresent and omnipotent Yggdrasil did not much like the fact that the displaced King had given her blessing away without her…um…well… _blessing._ However, in her infinite wisdom, the Tree of Life decided to forgive his impertinence when she determined that he had been punished enough already by the recent tragic events of his life…and his, as of yet unexperienced, future of remorse, obesity, and questionable hygiene. Plus, she liked the Groot with whom Thor traveled and had no qualms about rewarding him for his sacrifices. That…and the fact that she had recently discovered Midgardian soap operas and was currently too enthralled with which pregnant coma patient was sleeping with which evil twin to want to leave the comfort of her metaphorical couch and mindless entertainment just to punish the Asgardian properly for his grave error in judgement.

Nevertheless, the real consequences of Thor’s action would not make themselves known until the final battle against the forces of Thanos. In fact, it was not until those who had been “Snapped” away, returned…and brought some friends back with them…that Yggdrasil’s blessing finally took hold. It was then that it was discovered that not only had Doctor Strange somehow managed to find his fellow sorcerers, Avengers, Wakandans, and other assorted friends and allies in the immediate aftermath of the Purgatory-like five-year pause of the Snap, but that he had also recruited some previously unknown Magicals, as well. 

One such Magical, Hermione Granger, was…to put it nicely… _extremely_ _brassed off_ at Thanos. After all, she had finally attained some semblance of a normal life after years of magical warfare to insure the removal of one certain snake-faced bastard, just to have a giant purple alien snap his fingers to remove a further five years from her existence. That did not please the powerful witch in the least – especially when, immediately upon her return, she discovered that her supposed fiance, Ronald _bloody_ Weasley, had started his own quidditch-loving harem during her absence. However, his lack of fidelity paled in comparison to the knowledge that he had also given away her _entire_ library! After thoroughly hexing him to insure that the existence of a harem would be a pointless endeavor, it was a bookless Hermione who stormed onto the battlefield, hair crackling with power and rage, as she confronted the monster…and his hapless minions…whose actions had directly led to such literary destitution.

In fact, it was while she was blasting Ebony Maw’s bony arse that she was first noticed by Groot. The moment he laid eyes on the witch, he was assaulted with an unfamiliar longing. His branches trembled as he admired the way she gripped the wooden length of her wand and manipulated it to such explosive outcomes. At the same time, the chlorophyll pounded in his veins as the urge to see her bird’s nest hair nestled within his own limbs and boughs as they lay together in a sunny meadow overwhelmed him. In that instant, he finally reached the mature state of his regeneration…again…and his urgent wish to have the witch for himself activated the ancient magic of Yggdrasil in order to fulfill the aforementioned blessing.

At that moment, a thin band of smooth and polished interwoven vine wood, much like that of her first wand, but also covered in runes, encircled Hermione’s ring finger. At the same time, one of the finest goblin-wrought metals magicked itself onto Groot’s wooden appendage as the two beings were suddenly and inexplicably bound together in matrimony by the power of The Tree of Life herself. The unexpected event momentarily distracted the witch just long enough for the evil wizard that she was fighting to magically seize a nearby Outrider and throw it at her. Before the ugly four-legged beast could even recognize that it was a sacrifice, though, Groot had stepped between it and Hermione. He had just enough time to throw a heated look at the witch before he turned and sliced the incoming creature in two with his suddenly elongated limbs.

She smiled gratefully at the Tree Man and took a moment to stare appreciatively at his strong thick limbs (After all, she had never been a speciest and firmly believed in equal opportunity!) before they both turned back to Ebony Maw. The dark sorcerer paled even further as he recognized their combined intent. However, he was too late to stop the two cleaving limbs that rode in right on the heels of a _Bombarda Maxima_ …and he was finally done for. Pieces of evil wizard lay everywhere as his compatriots started to turn to dust around them. Oblivious to the disintegrating army, though, the human witch found herself wrapped in the rough protective embrace of the Flora Collosus as the battle died around them.

Hermione finally understood the situation when she saw Groot’s ring…after all she had read extensively on the power of bonds…and she could feel her pull to the _man_ in front of her, the one who gave a new meaning to the words _tall, dark, and rugged._ “I assume this is because of you?” she still asked, however, as held up the hand that sported her newly acquired adornment. 

“I am Groot!” he confessed in a contrite tone as he quickly grew a flower, which he then offered to her.

“No need to apologize,” the witch assured him warmly as she took the proffered gift. She could not remember the last time someone had given her flowers...so the action was definitely a point in his favor. Consequently, she gave the unusual bloke in front of her a slow once-over. “You are probably as surprised as I am. Plus, you are certainly an impressive sight. I’ll give you that! In fact, I haven’t seen so much wood since Oliver showed me his bludger bat under the quidditch stands…but that’s a completely different story…and you _obviously_ put him to shame, Groot. In fact, I understand now that he does not even deserve to carry the surname of Wood...not at all!” 

Groot’s eyes grew wide as he suddenly realized that not only could she understand what he was saying (another gift of the Blessing), but that she seemed to like him, too. “I am Groot,” he whispered huskily in his excitement as he drew her even closer. Then, as he felt Hermione melt into his embrace, he suddenly realized that he had effortlessly grown another, more strategically placed, branch.

“A man of few words…I like that,” the witch replied. “Definitely better than Ron going on and on about Quidditch and his mother’s cooking!” As she spoke, she allowed her hands to explore his hard body, an act of which he heartily approved. She started with his strong moss-covered chest, and went lower and lower until she encountered the new branch with a small “Oh!” of surprise. “It’s a good thing that I know a strong anti-splintering spell, now isn’t it?” she murmured to him as the eager branch grew another foot in length under both her ministrations and obvious interest.

They were interrupted, however, when both Rocket and Thor came in search of their friend. Groot drew Hermione protectively to his side as he introduced her. “I am Groot!” he exclaimed with great enthusiasm.

“What do you mean, she’s your wife?” Rocket ranted. “You just met her! Just because you have finally found someone who is willing to strip your bark…”

Thor interrupted the Raccoon’s tirade with a happy booming laugh, however. “Ah! I see that Yggdrasil’s blessing has finally been bestowed. Congratulations to you both.” 

“Ah, it was the blessing of _Yggdrasil._ That explains so much!” Hermione acknowledged and Groot nodded in agreement as Thor just beamed at them all for just a moment. However, the smile quickly slid off his face and his mood changed drastically as he informed them that Tony did not have long for this world before he left them all to feast with his father and the other great heroes in Valhalla.

Even though Groot did not know the man in question, he saw Rocket’s face fall and tears spring to the eyes of the Asgardian King. He then looked questioningly at his wife.

She sighed. “For Merlin’s sake! Of course I’ll help, but when I am through, you owe me one hell of a wedding night, Husband!” With those words, she stalked off towards the crowd that surrounded the heroic man. As she pulled potions out of her previously hidden and shrunken bag and started to throw rapid healing spells at the man on the ground, Groot looked on with admiration. 

“I am Groot!” he said proudly.

Thor slapped him on the back. “Yes, Tree Man! She’s a damn fine woman…and if you ever find yourself in need of a third….” Groot just cracked his branches threateningly at the implication and Thor backed up from the now angry Flora Collosus with his hands thrown up in the universal sign of surrender before he decided that it might be a very good time to retrieve Mjolnir from the Captain.

When a cheer that signaled her success rose up from the crowd that surrounded Hermione and Tony, Rocket sighed and looked up at his friend. “Alright,” he conceded. “Maybe you should tell me all about her…and this Yg…Yggs…Yggdrasil’s blessing thing. More importantly, how does she feel about stealing?”

“I am Groot,” his friend replied dreamily as he watched Hermione attempt to break through the throngs of those who insisted on congratulating her…to return to him...only to be waylaid with hugs and other forms of appreciative affection instead.

“She _stole_ your heart? Ugh…really? When did you become such a _sap?”_ Rocket demanded ironically, but he could not help but feel happy for his friend – especially when it became obvious that Groot could take their separation no longer before he rescued his fair maiden by elongating his arm branches to reach in and yank her away from her new admirers. 

“I am Groot!” he told her urgently as he folded her back into his embrace. If raccoons could blush, Rocket would have done so at such suggestive language – especially when he noticed that Groot’s extra branch had made a dramatic reappearance.

Hermione noticed, as well, and responded with a predatory smile. “Yes, I could not agree more!" She told him before she turned to Rocket. “Don’t worry. I’ll bring him back in one piece and unhurt. That is…unless he likes that sort of thing. I guess we'll find out!” Then she winked at the Raccoon, wrapped her arms around her bonded husband, and apparated them both away - leaving nothing behind but a loud crack and a few stray leaves. 

“They grow up so fast, don’t they, Buddy?” Quill stated from the sidelines…where for once in his life he had watched quietly and had ignored his natural inclination to interfere at the wrong moment. However, Rocket did not answer. He just sniffed, blinked away the incriminating moisture in his eyes, and sauntered nonchalantly back towards the crowd instead.

~~~~~

At the moment of the blessed marriage's consummation, Yggdrasil lifted up her great leafy head and smiled. Then she muttered a fertility blessing, as well - before her attention snapped straight back to her program. After all, it was vitally important that she find out which of the brothers had returned from the dead…and whether he had actually fathered the baby of his father’s new wife…or if it had been the Priest's doing all along.

~~~~~

Groot and Hermione reappeared several days later on the _Benatar_ – right in the middle of Peter and Thor’s pissing contest. Groot was in rough shape with fingernail-scraped bark, snapped twigs, and missing leaves. However, he bore his new scars with the smug kind of happiness that only having lots of really great kinky sex can provide. Consequently, he had a huge smile on his face…and in the crook of one branched arm, he also carried an adorable little potted sapling. 

“I am Groot!” he shouted proudly as he held his son aloft for the others to see. The argument of who was in charge ceased immediately while everyone cooed over the new baby Groot who had wildly rambunctious hair where his head leaves would normally be.

~~~~~

Since everybody else was distracted, nobody noticed when Hermione slipped into the cockpit to seize control of the second ship for herself and her new family. _Yes, Rocket,_ she thought to herself with a sly smile as she weaved a spell to both start and fly the ship. _I do like to steal!_

She knew that they would bring the ship back eventually...and reconnect with the others...but first she and Groot would enjoy an extended honeymoon with their little sapling. Hermione smirked as she cast an _Accio_ for her husband and son before they separated from the other ship and blasted off. Groot's plan had worked perfectly! When Rocket got over his initial fury, he would be so very proud of them!


End file.
